A healthy relationship can bring happiness, support, and growth into our lives. Good relationships are built on trust, respect, communication, and a balance between giving and receiving. In a healthy relationship, both people feel valued, safe, and free to be themselves. They work through conflicts with patience and understanding, supporting each other’s goals and well-being. Their focus, when in conflict is to find a resolution where both parties win.
However, not all relationships are healthy. A dysfunctional or toxic relationship can be emotionally draining and harmful. Signs of a toxic relationship include constant criticism, jealousy, and control. In these relationships, one partner might try to manipulate the other’s actions or isolate them from friends and family. Another red flag is a lack of respect for boundaries—if one person pressures the other or ignores their wishes, it can lead to serious trust issues. Toxic relationships often involve blame-shifting, where one person constantly makes the other feel at fault, even for things beyond their control. This can hurt a person’s self-esteem and create ongoing stress.
Recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship is the first step toward making a positive change. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels harmful or controlling, remember that you have the right to set boundaries. Try to talk openly with your partner about your feelings and concerns, if it feels safe to do so. If communication doesn’t lead to change, consider reaching out for support from friends, family, or a counselor who can offer advice and a listening ear.
In cases where the relationship becomes emotionally or physically abusive, prioritize your safety. Seeking help from a support group or counselor can be helpful, and sometimes, ending the relationship may be the healthiest choice. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel respected, valued, and free.
When I was younger I was in an abusive relationship. He was abusive in every way; physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually and financially. I learned that abusers are often wonderful people who treat you like gold… 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time they abuse and manipulate you. If you talk about leaving them they point out to you the wonderful things they do for you (in the 90% time-frame). They tell you that you won’t ever find someone who will treat you that well.
A practical example of this is when I had to walk home during a rainstorm. When I got home, he had a fragrant bubble bath drawn for me, complete with candles, Kenny G playing and a glass of wine. While this sounds like a very thoughtful partner, the truth of the matter is that he could have gotten in the car and drove to pick me up… but he didn’t want to. He’d rather let me walk through torrential rain and use it as an opportunity to prove how wonderful he treats me.
For me, the emotional abuse and manipulation was the hardest part. They make it hard to think clearly. They make you feel like you’re going crazy and that the way they treat you is “normal” and even “exceptional”. In my case, it took a solid support team having my back and encouraging me to severe all ties with him. I had tried to break up with him, but he stalked me and kept trying to manipulate me into seeing him… when and where he demanded. The best thing I did in that situation was to completely severe the relationship. The next best thing I did was to allow myself two years of being single, allowing G-d to heal me, through counselling and a solid support team.
While it may seem that there isn’t enough help out there for people in abusive relationships, there is help. If you are in an abusive relationship, please reach out for help. Your family doctor or therapist is a good place to start.
