I’m going to discuss 8 different techniques. Hopefully, at least one of them will be beneficial to you. Please comment below on which ones you found work for you.
- Identify Your Stressors and see if there are some things you can do to lessen your stress. Quite often there are things that are within our control, even though it feels as if we’re powerless to change anything.
I read an amazing book by Brian Klemmer, called “Compassionate Samurai.” As the title suggests, the book has many ideas that seem contradictory. However, one of the main things I learned through DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy) is that many times two opposites can exist at the same time. Instead of using the word “but”, I try to use the word “and.” It’s difficult and sometimes it doesn’t make sense, but it is powerful when you do it!
For example, I could say, “I enjoy driving long distances but I get tired easily.” The last part of that sentence takes away the power of the first part. If we replace “but” with “and” the sentence is, “I enjoy driving long distances and I get tired easily.” Do you see how that sentence has more power? Both the first part and the second part of the sentence are true at the same time.
When I first read the Compassionate Samurai I disagreed with Brian’s claim that we all have choice. We are never in a circumstance that we haven’t chosen. I thought of people who live in East Germany (then the wall was still up forbidding people to leave without the government’s permission.) Surely, he didn’t mean those people chose to live there. If they tried to leave without permission they would be killed!
That’s when the light bulb came on! They chose to live there because they would rather live there than possibly die by trying to escape. It is possible they could escape and live free but they would only choose to take that route when the desire to live free becomes more important than the desire to live. I realized they do have a choice!
A “Stressor” is the thing that causes your stress. Some things are mostly beyond your control, but not completely. For example, if you work at a job that has deadlines, and deadlines are one of your stressors, you can’t change that. Except by getting a different job. You do have the choice to work somewhere else. It may take effort and perhaps training, but it is possible.
However, if you decide to stay, what things are within your control that would help you manage your stress better? Perhaps you can schedule at least a short lunch break so you can eat, maybe get some fresh air and meditate. Perhaps you can go to bed earlier so you are well rested and have more energy when you’re at work.
- Choose To Exercise Regularly. This is my biggest challenge in life. I’ve recently started some treatment sessions with a woman to help me with this. My first homework assignment was walking/ exercising for at least 20 minutes per day… on week number 1! I’m paying a lot of money for these sessions, so I’m going to do my homework.
Since I’ve started exercising I feel so much healthier and energetic! Exercising is a main component to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. It will give you more energy. Many people find that exercise helps them unwind.
- Eat And Sleep Well. When you’re at a restaurant and the waitress asks you, “Would you like salad or fries with that?” what do you choose? Recently, I’ve been choosing salad. Even when cooking dinner, I often cook meat and have salad with it instead of starch items.
If you’re having difficulty sleeping, stress will only add to that. Personally, I have a FREE meditation app on my phone that I listen to almost every night when I go to sleep. It helps me unwind and go to sleep. I prefer the guided meditations because if I don’t have the voice guiding me, my mind will race, thinking about what I didn’t get done today and what I need to remember to do tomorrow. If I’m meditating during the day, not wanting to sleep, I’ll listen to a music or nature sound meditation. The one I use is called “Insight Timer”.
- Make Time For YOU! Have you ever been on a plane? If you have, you know when the steward is going through their talk before the flight, he/ she will say if the masks drop from the ceiling in an emergency to put YOUR mask on FIRST. Then you can help children and elderly around you. Why do they say that? If you don’t look after yourself FIRST you will be no help to others. You actually endanger both yourself and others.
This took me years to put into practice. Especially, with my personality type, being a lover and a giver, I would almost always say “yes” to people even at my personal cost. For the most part I now put myself first, knowing I will be a better help to them in the future if I look after myself now.
So, take time for family and friends. Have some social time, and recreational time. Not only do you deserve it, you NEED it!
- Problem Solving Techniques. Brainstorming sessions are helpful to come up with solutions. I prefer to brainstorm with at least one other person. I find one person’s ideas spark other creative ideas in other people.
Once you have a list of possible solutions, create a pros and cons list for each. When you have that information it will be easier to find the solution to your problem.
- Use Calming Techniques.There are many options for calming techniques. I’ll list a couple below. Remember our friend Google? He’ll be able to give you many more options.
I prefer deep belly breathing. That calms me quickly and easily. Take a deep breath in, pushing it all the way down to your belly, then filling your chest. This is the opposite of shallow breathing, which is when we take a short breath into our chest. When you let out your breath, take your time and give a loud sigh. Take about 5 of these deep belly breaths and you should feel calmer. I do this when I’m anxious and stressed as well as when I lie down to go to sleep.
Another option is progressive muscle relaxation. As I mentioned earlier there are FREE apps to guide you through this. The one I use has this as an option as well. With this technique, you start at one part of your body and slowly think about each part one at a time. In some cases you may flex the muscles, then relax them, or you may just focus on that part of the body. I, personally find it more effective to tense the muscles for a few seconds, then relax them. By going through your whole body it will be easier to relax.
These techniques take some practice to get used to. When you use them regularly, it will become second nature to you. The important thing is to find what works for you. What works for me may not work for you.
- Assertiveness And Communication Skills. You may want to ask your doctor or a professional about courses that are available in your community on learning these to important skills.
Wow! I’m just realizing how far I’ve come in the last 5 years! For most of my life I’ve been passive. I would bottle things up and inevitably I would explode over something little. Have you heard the phrase, “the straw that broke the camel’s back”? That was me. And I’ve made scenes in public over the littlest things.
I’ve finally learned, when I’m assertive I’m healthier. I don’t have underlying issues that are building toward an undeserved explosion. It’s also better for the people I’m communicating with. When I’m passive, the other person thinks everything is fine, when in reality it’s not. When I’m assertive, I’m being completely honest with the other person and they know exactly how I feel.
These skills take some training and practice. I found being assertive very difficult. In fact, it is something I continue to work on. In each situation I have to consciously choose an assertive response. Sometimes I don’t even think of it. I automatically do the passive thing, then later I regret it and end up going back to the person with a different response.
- Be Aware Of Negative Thinking. This is a big one. Most times people are unaware of how negative their thinking is. Have you ever thought, You’re ugly! Or what about, You’re so stupid! I hope not! Yet, most people have. I have!
Another part of the sessions I’m taking is to post a list of my “Findings”, which are positive “I am…” statements. First thing in the morning and last thing at night, I look at each phrase. I close my eyes and think the phrase. Then I look at myself in the mirror and say the phrase out loud.
Phrases like I am beautiful! And, I am successful! How do you think you would feel after doing this with about 30 or 40 statements? Compare that to how you would feel after stating the 2 negative statements I mentioned earlier. Which one do you think is more conducive to overcoming and managing stress? Obviously, the positive statements are better.
Start by becoming aware of what you say and think about yourself. When you catch yourself using negative self-talk combat it by stating the positive /opposite out loud 3 times.
Below is a pic I found with some suggestions for stress management:
Please post your comments about Stress Management Tips below. I love reading them! Each comment is valuable!
